So, unless you're some depraved moron who figured that you're too cool for school, you probably have seen or are some form of the assholes that litter themselves on the grounds of higher education. I'll speak on behalf of the community college level where people of all walks of life come to get an education albeit it's a breeding ground of frustration and resentment. Without further adieu.
The class pet. This ingrate takes the form of many, but for the sake of my withering sanity and your lack of attention, we'll compress this person into one type: the young idiot. The class pet usually is an incoming freshman who probably only applied to Harvard against the advice of everyone with little to no chance of actually being admitted there. It also has heard of all sorts of urban myths about college and, the most prevalent one being that if you do not befriend your professor, you will fail the class and there's just no other way around it. Because of this, the class pet has the tendency to sit front and center of the lecture hall or what have you and is always, without fail, prepared to take notes on everything, even the syllabus. Aside that, the class pet loves questions. It almost seems like the asshole asks questions for the sake of asking questions, everything from, "Wait, can you repeat that totally irrelevant piece of information that will inevitably slow down the progress of this class and waste our time since the class schedule has been compressed? Thanks!" to, "So you're telling me that what you just said, though it is arranged a little differently than what's presented on the power point lecture, is the same thing? Also, does it mean this? (Insert the same fact, worded differently)". Nothing this ego-stroking moron says is worth any merit and it becomes all too routine throughout the duration of the class that the people that notice it's habit know better than to pay attention or even keep taking notes. It takes all the positive mental attitude in the world for me to disregard the spewing of words from this creature's mouth or any of the later mentioned individuals and not take my own pen in class and jam it so far into my own skull I can only hope I make a clean cut of my cerebellum to make my death an abrupt one.
The class pet also is capable of polarizing the professor's outlook on the rest of the class, this is obviously a case by case basis but allow me to continue because you have no choice. It decides to burn precious class time by asking the professor other irrelevant questions that are completely unrelated to the class in any form, as in what the teacher thinks about the population of honey bees in the world and their relation to the amount of time humanity has to live without their existence. Not only that, but it also spends every possible minute with the professor, including the office hours where those with relevant and serious inquiries are left to rot. I've witnessed a professor become so fed up with the ass kissing by this one person that he refused to answer any more questions. The sycophant broke the goddamn class, what a dick. At this point, I can only hope that everyone else in the class is also imagining this happening to the pathetic asshole.
The next nefarious subject that takes pleasure in making everyone miserable (consciously or not) in class is the elder woman who poses as a sage of infinite wisdom. Ironically she's found in most lower level general education classes and in classes that group work is required, unfortunately for other people. This ageless wretch is usually as old if not older than the professor and sometimes that in itself is as volatile as the other arsenal of garbage she drags into class with her person. The woman, I'll refer to her as, "Bertha" from here on out, is the most opinionated person in class and by default has thrown out any sort of hard science class where she cannot bend the facts to her will and crazy, preconceived notion that she is always correct. Modesty and graciousness are not her forté. Her personal experience is the absolute truth and she takes the time to air out her own dirty laundry in class, most times for the worse and against the will of anyone to have the misfortune of hearing. The class essentially turns into an AA meeting for Bertha and her inner demons and the most confusing days are the ones where she doesn't break down into tears while sharing a personally traumatizing story that has been rendered obsolete with time and is completely irrelevant to today's social norms. If Bertha isn't doing any of that, she's transcending the position of student to teacher's aide and most likely to co-professor; If Bertha becomes comfortable with the atmosphere in the class and does not have conflicting ideas with the professor, she will go to great lengths to befriend the professor in the same sense the class pet did but on a more personal, "Hey, you should come to my Tupperware party this Sunday after church, we're going to have strawberry brulees it will be great" level.
There are plenty more of degenerates that clutter campuses nationwide and most of these people go unchecked in classrooms because most people don't want to be that person and tell some ignorant assholes to shut the fuck up. Maybe other types of cretins will be analyzed in the future.
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