Go away, binge drinking, pack-of-cigarettes-a-day, vegetarian/vegan activist. This isn't about you.
Humor me as I alienate and turn most of you dorks into a lame cliche of something along the lines of the soap operas your grandmothers watch. So, social networking sites have perpetually been a way for people to gather as much shit they can about no one in particular and either use the internet as their place to wage a war or usually to mutual friends/people who know the intended target. It's usually the former because most arguments that take place in person aren't terribly pre-meditated in contrast of being a keyboard warrior that can make sure his or her stupidity doesn't shine through their typically baseless arguments, but rather full of passive-aggressive idiots tripping over their words in a (usually) drunken mess only to insult appearance only to amuse everyone in audience.
This kind of weird social behavior has transcended, particularly with females, to the internet where they "befriend" each other to essentially pick each other apart and then greet each others with smiles. I'm sure they feel like they're leading some sort of espionage by doing this with all the information they "find". The thing is: If you were to take any one of these people on some real covert ops type shit, they would inadvertently blow your cover and have you nuked half way to Nagasaki after checking into Top Secret Vault Hidden Away in Ancient Europa Ruins (thanks, Assassin's Creed) on Facebook.
With all that, I can only imagine the incriminating gossip everyone thinks they hold over other people when it's usually about trivial things about clothing or who they associate with; and although it's pretty funny to watch people squabble over really dumb shit like that, it gets old incredibly fast with the implied politics that come in with it. I can only imagine how boring one's life is to constantly know what other people are doing publicly and behind the curtains. This also relates with shitty people in relationships that are strained to extremes for the sake of looking like everything is perfect. There's some quote about small people talking about other people and all that which rings quite true, but in any case: your life is probably not that interesting and no one gives a shit.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"Mention the Word 'Hipster' is Hella Numetal"
Obligatory hipsters are scum post.
Why not? Even though there are better alternatives than this site for finding humor in poking fun of a group of people, I'm bored and figured I'd rather write about these jerkoffs than doing something productive for my mental health like reading a book. I suppose that's a good place to start too; for the amount of books that most of these assholes read, they sure don't retain much from those books and apply any sort of ideas or morals suggested through the reading let alone show any semblance of intelligence. Fellow author on this site had this to say about a related idea.
While people's definitions and mental image of what a hipster looks like or does differs, I'm sure we can all agree on the pretentiousness of musical taste and their peculiar sense of entitlement for knowing about _______ before you did. I've noticed that it doesn't necessarily stop at music though, it can literally be anything and they would have the pressing need to scowl at whoever was a second late at learning about whatever new hot thing and not waste time chopping this fool down as if they're living in the dark ages. News flash: unless you created whatever it is you're bitching about that other people found out about, on their own accord or through you, no one gives a fuck. Seriously. No one. What did you expect, some sort of certificate that you heard this band's demo first or whatever else it is? Of course, all of this only comes out when someone mentions how much they like something, as if liking it at all is ridiculous because they didn't like it from the second it was conceived. I'm surprised they haven't just taken to the streets with signs that say "I hate fun", oh wait, too much conformity and resemblance/connecting to other people and it's not a gay pride parade. Here's something worth bitching about for finding out about:
Having God reveal himself to you first, telling you he's going to make his presence concrete, tangible, etc. to the rest of humanity and then doing so. Not only would our precious hipster fucking brag tirelessly about this, but s/he would do so in a manner of aloofness; just to do it to rub it in your face as if it mattered. So time goes on and then God gets fed up with this asshole bragging about hearing about it first, and since God is benevolent on behalf of mankind, he grants this hipster immortality then promptly sets him/her on fire for the rest of eternity. Now, why would God do that? He did it after he kicked Charon's lame ass out of Hell and put this douchelord in his place to ferry the dead while said immolating hipster can let every other damned asshole that, "God came to me first before you peons". Cool.
I suppose the next point would be their attire but that's been beaten to death. Just look for someone who dresses from a different era or looks like they've done a colonoscopy through American Apparel for tacky/weird shit and then a thrift store for the sake of saying they got it all at a thrift store; they both stick out like sore thumbs unless you're at some really crappy party or club. Anyway, here will be the only mention of a fixie bike and shitty beer, and here's to hoping that the sum of everything in this post gets passed off onto the homeless so I can hear about how passé it was and be a smug dick about it.
Look up "Interior Semiotics" and hate everyone.
Why not? Even though there are better alternatives than this site for finding humor in poking fun of a group of people, I'm bored and figured I'd rather write about these jerkoffs than doing something productive for my mental health like reading a book. I suppose that's a good place to start too; for the amount of books that most of these assholes read, they sure don't retain much from those books and apply any sort of ideas or morals suggested through the reading let alone show any semblance of intelligence. Fellow author on this site had this to say about a related idea.
"Coming from an English major, just "reading books" does not solve problems. There is a difference between reading books and being an educated person, just look at the New York Times Best Seller list. It's the most mind numbing mess you've ever seen. I'd argue that the NYT list kills as many brain cells as American Idol. You have to read quality literature, fact and research based non fiction, and newspapers/other news outlets. Reading does not equal intelligence."While reading is something I use as a source of learning and entertainment, I have a vague feeling that most young adults who regard themselves as some sort of critique of novels are trying to find Holden Caulfield in every book they pick up so they can, "totally relate". Anyway, reading books has become almost a thing like collecting baseball cards. My personal favorite schtick these faux intellects pull is embracing their, "inner nerd". You would assume that a person so obsessed with trying not to look stupid would at least try to not pull this kind of shit:
While people's definitions and mental image of what a hipster looks like or does differs, I'm sure we can all agree on the pretentiousness of musical taste and their peculiar sense of entitlement for knowing about _______ before you did. I've noticed that it doesn't necessarily stop at music though, it can literally be anything and they would have the pressing need to scowl at whoever was a second late at learning about whatever new hot thing and not waste time chopping this fool down as if they're living in the dark ages. News flash: unless you created whatever it is you're bitching about that other people found out about, on their own accord or through you, no one gives a fuck. Seriously. No one. What did you expect, some sort of certificate that you heard this band's demo first or whatever else it is? Of course, all of this only comes out when someone mentions how much they like something, as if liking it at all is ridiculous because they didn't like it from the second it was conceived. I'm surprised they haven't just taken to the streets with signs that say "I hate fun", oh wait, too much conformity and resemblance/connecting to other people and it's not a gay pride parade. Here's something worth bitching about for finding out about:
Having God reveal himself to you first, telling you he's going to make his presence concrete, tangible, etc. to the rest of humanity and then doing so. Not only would our precious hipster fucking brag tirelessly about this, but s/he would do so in a manner of aloofness; just to do it to rub it in your face as if it mattered. So time goes on and then God gets fed up with this asshole bragging about hearing about it first, and since God is benevolent on behalf of mankind, he grants this hipster immortality then promptly sets him/her on fire for the rest of eternity. Now, why would God do that? He did it after he kicked Charon's lame ass out of Hell and put this douchelord in his place to ferry the dead while said immolating hipster can let every other damned asshole that, "God came to me first before you peons". Cool.
I suppose the next point would be their attire but that's been beaten to death. Just look for someone who dresses from a different era or looks like they've done a colonoscopy through American Apparel for tacky/weird shit and then a thrift store for the sake of saying they got it all at a thrift store; they both stick out like sore thumbs unless you're at some really crappy party or club. Anyway, here will be the only mention of a fixie bike and shitty beer, and here's to hoping that the sum of everything in this post gets passed off onto the homeless so I can hear about how passé it was and be a smug dick about it.
Look up "Interior Semiotics" and hate everyone.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Riot Like an Egyptian
Few things to mention in this post before I really get into it. I’ll also keep this as short as possible.
One: This thing is basically a one trick pony seems to be at the end of its long-overdue life and will probably get the proverbial bullet in the head hopefully sooner than later. It doesn’t seem to matter since it didn’t garner too much long term attention unless actively advertised. I’ve ran out of steam and good topics that I could effectively cover my bases on without having droves of critics vying for my blood and make me look even more stupid than I already am. Anyway, maybe if I did research on any current event (Egypt), I’d have an opinion on it; I’d rather not look like an uninformed jackass/typical American rambling on and on about a topic that really doesn’t affect my personal life…wait…
Two: The most recurring feedback I get from friends, since everyone else doesn’t seem to care, is that, “you could be not as angry and stuff, man, if you just like, focus your energy to something constructive”. To that I say, “Whatever, mortal”. A lot of these rants make me laugh out loud more than have some sort of brain aneurism so just relax, take it easy, and laugh at some really low brow things I want to say.
Besides all that, I’ve had nothing else to really talk about lately except about the conundrums of people’s selfishness, lack of modesty and essentially the degradation of character.
I’ll acknowledge that every one person holds everyone else to a certain standard in their head, and when those standards aren’t met or actions you would otherwise not do are done by someone else, anger and frustration are the first things that come to mind. This is all relative to directly affecting you, not like order of operations where Timmy takes showers before brushing his teeth or anything of that mundane nature (hygiene is a must, scumbag).
Selfish people seem to have a knack for being entirely too arrogant about themselves and worldly possessions, one of which is more of a projection or crappy defense mechanism of their own insecurities. It’s just a difficult idea to digest that there are people who exist that are so obsessed with themselves that they forget they’re essentially a rip off of everything they’ve mentally labeled, “cool”. While having some sort of air about yourself is reasonable and acceptable, if you cannot think beyond your own nose and at least be considerate of people you consider friends, I wish every misfortune that comes through your life to leave it like Swiss cheese: a memorandum of your shittiness and that weird thing where everyone walks away from you when you talk about yourself. Though you can argue that I pay too much attention to these people who are as interesting as a chia pet, that’s basically what they are: pretty boring people who are intently caught up with not being boring that they divided by zero and just suck.
Anyway, have at it with this poorly thought out, crappy rant. It's full of holes that I can't really be bothered with patching up, which will inevitably end up coming back to bite me in the ass at a later period by some snarky asshole who got offended by this. Also, blog about it, jerk.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Reaching out.
Frequent readers and/or people who wander through this blog: I'd like to hear from you in any form to know what you think about this entire mess.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The Homeless Wonder
Ted Williams isn’t a baseball player today. He will be a baseball player again in another year when we forget about Ted Williams, the homeless man with the golden voice. Before moving on to this powder keg of a media circus, let’s review Ted Williams’ background, as it seems to be conveniently overlooked by many:
Ted Williams’ life, career and marriage were ruined in the 80’s when he became a local radio celebrity in Johnston, OH, and later Columbus, OH. He had previously referred to himself as “Teddy Bear” (a moniker I’m astounded hasn’t already been picked up by the beaming voids referring to him all over the country). After abusing various substances on a regular basis at work and at home, he was let go. After some time, his family reportedly turned him away as a result of his lifestyle, leaving him homeless. He apparently has a sizable rap sheet under his belt and has been convicted of a crime as recently as May 2010.
Now, it really doesn’t need to be explained how he has become the latest viral celebrity. If you don’t involuntarily know every fucking detail about it, consider yourself fortunate and don’t bother reading further.
Ted Williams claims he has been sober for two years as of November.
Attention future employers of “reformed” homeless drug abusers: It is completely logical for you to trust the words of a crack head. Go for that. Do that. They will not ever let you down. They’ve learned their lesson.
I’m willing to bet that the length of Mr. Williams’ sobriety is closer to two days.
But, we love to see a second chance, right? That’s the American dream. Fucking over everyone who cares about you, ruining your life of your own volition, begging for mercy and getting hand-outs for it? That is what we are about.
The naivety of anyone involved with Ted Williams’ recent exposure is actually kind of cute. The reality of the situation at hand is that Williams’ first chance doesn’t count for us. It wasn’t well-documented in a reality television program and ready made for ridicule. We didn’t get to taste that failure. Oh, but we will, and somewhere Dr. Drew Pinsky is drooling.
I’m positive that, at the very least, the original reporter who filmed this man (and handed him a $20 prior to ever filming him) had the very best intentions when he met and interviewed Williams. The best intentions, however, almost never align with best interest. I’m of the opinion that the original reporter would have better served Williams by giving him a cheeseburger, a tent, antibiotics and a wave goodbye.
Just imagine the immense amount of pressure on a man who has a completely unstable life to begin with. Television cameras are everywhere, everyone wants to know the life of the homeless crack head guy who ruined his life and has now been given a second chance (but keep it short we can only do five minutes), bright lights, calls rolling in, assistants, psychiatrists, offers, schedules, free shit and all while housing teeth that, if smoked, could kill a lightweight adult male. The most sober person on the planet would be ready for opiates after being blindsided with so much attention.
It must be apparent to Williams that he has done absolutely nothing to deserve this attention (other than look a little bit like Obama and a lot like the Mexican jalapeno that awful, racist ventriloquist/comedian comedy central won’t stop showing uses.). It has to be. Because if it isn’t, it will hit harder with every second reality is overshadowed by fame, free bullshit, and praise. Williams hasn’t even been given the opportunity to take the gigantic personal step of being able to reconcile with his family without cameras rolling. Could you imagine the feeling when the inevitable “remember where you were before we GAVE you all this?” comment is made?
They taketh just as fast as they giveth.
The man is no innocent, but I do hope that he comes out on top after all this dies down. However, in the interest of profit, I just bet $40 that he relapses within 6-12 months and jumps out a window after a crowd gathers.
Ted Williams’ life, career and marriage were ruined in the 80’s when he became a local radio celebrity in Johnston, OH, and later Columbus, OH. He had previously referred to himself as “Teddy Bear” (a moniker I’m astounded hasn’t already been picked up by the beaming voids referring to him all over the country). After abusing various substances on a regular basis at work and at home, he was let go. After some time, his family reportedly turned him away as a result of his lifestyle, leaving him homeless. He apparently has a sizable rap sheet under his belt and has been convicted of a crime as recently as May 2010.
Now, it really doesn’t need to be explained how he has become the latest viral celebrity. If you don’t involuntarily know every fucking detail about it, consider yourself fortunate and don’t bother reading further.
Ted Williams claims he has been sober for two years as of November.
Attention future employers of “reformed” homeless drug abusers: It is completely logical for you to trust the words of a crack head. Go for that. Do that. They will not ever let you down. They’ve learned their lesson.
I’m willing to bet that the length of Mr. Williams’ sobriety is closer to two days.
But, we love to see a second chance, right? That’s the American dream. Fucking over everyone who cares about you, ruining your life of your own volition, begging for mercy and getting hand-outs for it? That is what we are about.
The naivety of anyone involved with Ted Williams’ recent exposure is actually kind of cute. The reality of the situation at hand is that Williams’ first chance doesn’t count for us. It wasn’t well-documented in a reality television program and ready made for ridicule. We didn’t get to taste that failure. Oh, but we will, and somewhere Dr. Drew Pinsky is drooling.
I’m positive that, at the very least, the original reporter who filmed this man (and handed him a $20 prior to ever filming him) had the very best intentions when he met and interviewed Williams. The best intentions, however, almost never align with best interest. I’m of the opinion that the original reporter would have better served Williams by giving him a cheeseburger, a tent, antibiotics and a wave goodbye.
Just imagine the immense amount of pressure on a man who has a completely unstable life to begin with. Television cameras are everywhere, everyone wants to know the life of the homeless crack head guy who ruined his life and has now been given a second chance (but keep it short we can only do five minutes), bright lights, calls rolling in, assistants, psychiatrists, offers, schedules, free shit and all while housing teeth that, if smoked, could kill a lightweight adult male. The most sober person on the planet would be ready for opiates after being blindsided with so much attention.
It must be apparent to Williams that he has done absolutely nothing to deserve this attention (other than look a little bit like Obama and a lot like the Mexican jalapeno that awful, racist ventriloquist/comedian comedy central won’t stop showing uses.). It has to be. Because if it isn’t, it will hit harder with every second reality is overshadowed by fame, free bullshit, and praise. Williams hasn’t even been given the opportunity to take the gigantic personal step of being able to reconcile with his family without cameras rolling. Could you imagine the feeling when the inevitable “remember where you were before we GAVE you all this?” comment is made?
They taketh just as fast as they giveth.
The man is no innocent, but I do hope that he comes out on top after all this dies down. However, in the interest of profit, I just bet $40 that he relapses within 6-12 months and jumps out a window after a crowd gathers.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Stop Wasting 10 Seconds of my Worthless Time.
Hey idiots, 90% of the traffic on this site is graced by the links we spam all over Facebook and in that regard Facebook is pretty cool for all that media sharing and "social" "interaction", etc. It was only a matter of time before I/someone got on this website's case because it's probably the bane of most people's existence whether they'd like to admit it or not. The issue with the site isn't necessarily the site itself, the fact it's trying to take over the whole goddamn internet or it's weird privacy issues that allowed it to "own" everyone's pictures for a minute (even though the internet owns it anyway, careful who you send nudes to). The issue is with the idiots on everyone's news feed who post stupid shit.
I'll avoid the, "everyone posts stupid shit" argument because this post would probably never end with the thousands of sources I'd use and then some jerk would post a comment saying, "well all you do is post stupid shit so your argument is invalid". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or something. Regardless, I've noticed this group of people who use Facebook as a place for them to talk shit from behind a curtain in a sense: "I can't believe you did that, you've lost all my trust". Word? Name names and make things more interesting because we all know you and the person you suddenly hate are having a text fight since both of your are pussies and won't say shit to each others face in fear of looking like the bigger bitch. All I'm saying is that if you're going to use fighting words you'd might as well be more direct and put on a show for the rest of your hundreds of friends. The ironic part about the people who usually take this route for dealing with their problems is that they're the ones who typically say, "I don't like drama". I had no idea that you avoid drama by essentially starting it, moron. Even in a real life setting, I've heard arguments start off with "I READ THAT SHIT YOU POSTED ABOUT ME ON FACEBOOK WITHOUT EVEN POSTING MY NAME BECAUSE I'M INSECURE AS FUCK AND THINK EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME ANYWAY, SO NOW I'M GOING TO BE REALLY FUCKING OVER DRAMATIC SO EVERYONE CAN TELL ME TO CALM DOWN THEN I'LL FEEL LIKE THEY CARE ABOUT ME WHEN IN REALITY THEY JUST WANT ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOT RUIN EVERYONE ELSE'S FUN". This post is therapeutic.
To sum up this segment for those who lack attention:
You won't stop though, you will transcend reality and bring it to a computer screen where everything is time stamped and now when you can be texting, messaging or even...here's an idea, being with each other to say your stupid sweet talk bullshit, I can read it. Then when you hate each other and talk about how "I never loved them", I can clearly point out the time and date when you said, "I would swim through a river of sewage to tell you I love you". I wish you actually drowned in a sewage river to eat your proverbial words, asshole. Not only does no one give a shit about how much you love your significant other (excluding me since I'm writing all this out) but you seal your own fate of looking like something so terribly stupid I can't even find the words for describing it. I get it though, you just want the attention on you and your "soulmate" because it makes everyone jealous or your "soulmate" is a sociopath that needs to be reassured every waking moment that he/she is loved otherwise your life is miserable in this choice of life you've made to be with and put up with the insane bullshit this person has to offer. Bravo.
I leave it up to you now, dearest reader, to make the Facebook experience more entertaining for everyone.
P.S. You're a cunt, you know who you are.
P.P.S. See how annoying that is?
I'll avoid the, "everyone posts stupid shit" argument because this post would probably never end with the thousands of sources I'd use and then some jerk would post a comment saying, "well all you do is post stupid shit so your argument is invalid". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or something. Regardless, I've noticed this group of people who use Facebook as a place for them to talk shit from behind a curtain in a sense: "I can't believe you did that, you've lost all my trust". Word? Name names and make things more interesting because we all know you and the person you suddenly hate are having a text fight since both of your are pussies and won't say shit to each others face in fear of looking like the bigger bitch. All I'm saying is that if you're going to use fighting words you'd might as well be more direct and put on a show for the rest of your hundreds of friends. The ironic part about the people who usually take this route for dealing with their problems is that they're the ones who typically say, "I don't like drama". I had no idea that you avoid drama by essentially starting it, moron. Even in a real life setting, I've heard arguments start off with "I READ THAT SHIT YOU POSTED ABOUT ME ON FACEBOOK WITHOUT EVEN POSTING MY NAME BECAUSE I'M INSECURE AS FUCK AND THINK EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME ANYWAY, SO NOW I'M GOING TO BE REALLY FUCKING OVER DRAMATIC SO EVERYONE CAN TELL ME TO CALM DOWN THEN I'LL FEEL LIKE THEY CARE ABOUT ME WHEN IN REALITY THEY JUST WANT ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NOT RUIN EVERYONE ELSE'S FUN". This post is therapeutic.
To sum up this segment for those who lack attention:
- If you're going to talk shit/call someone out, post their name too. It's ultimately more enjoyable for everyone and I can bet your problem will either escalate into something way more enjoyable for everyone to talk about (that's what you want, right?) or it will collapse instantly because the other person is a huge coward.
- Don't ever bring up Facebook in real life, especially as a way to start a fight. Get a hobby, you pathetic lurking nerd.
You won't stop though, you will transcend reality and bring it to a computer screen where everything is time stamped and now when you can be texting, messaging or even...here's an idea, being with each other to say your stupid sweet talk bullshit, I can read it. Then when you hate each other and talk about how "I never loved them", I can clearly point out the time and date when you said, "I would swim through a river of sewage to tell you I love you". I wish you actually drowned in a sewage river to eat your proverbial words, asshole. Not only does no one give a shit about how much you love your significant other (excluding me since I'm writing all this out) but you seal your own fate of looking like something so terribly stupid I can't even find the words for describing it. I get it though, you just want the attention on you and your "soulmate" because it makes everyone jealous or your "soulmate" is a sociopath that needs to be reassured every waking moment that he/she is loved otherwise your life is miserable in this choice of life you've made to be with and put up with the insane bullshit this person has to offer. Bravo.
I leave it up to you now, dearest reader, to make the Facebook experience more entertaining for everyone.
P.S. You're a cunt, you know who you are.
P.P.S. See how annoying that is?
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Popping Culture's Bubble
There is a measure by which the net value of the contributions that individuals make to the human condition can be determined. We may not yet be aware of how to do this, but we most certainly must not refrain from divulging our observations on the current diseases that plague our kind and hinder our entire species from making long term and practical adjustments that will ensure our survival for centuries to come. It is quite safe to say that if a graph were to be created that detailed a comparison of the integrity of human civilization with the overall physical and intellectual garbage produced by the predominant culture, a negative correlation would be observed. To put it in words more easily digestible by all of you who enthusiastically embrace this vapid, vacuous, void, and vacant existence - your endless mindfuck of inane and empty behavior that is so blatantly the result of successful corporate marketing strategies has slashed the throat of the human race and is allowing it to bleed to death from the wound.
So, just which Intolerable Scum might I be referring to? If you've ever willingly watched an episode of the television program Jersey Shore, you're fucking guilty. If you've ever shopped Forever 21, casted a vote for a contestant on American Idol, or identified with a corporate slogan (Dodge's recent insistence on still seriously pairing the words "America" and "freedom" in the same sentence is frightening http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezk0e1VL80o), you're marked. Since your birth, you've never been more than a dollar sign, and your utter failure to ever realize this is allowing, nay, fueling the complete breakdown of society and the ultimate devastation of our people and planet. It's no wonder corporations are legally considered to be individuals because they've gotten you to blissfully wrap your lips around their dicks and let them pump you full of their insipid waste, one hand holding your head in place and the other making sure your wallet remains empty.
There are some things you vile lot ought to consider. While your intellect takes a back seat to the latest drama going down on Real Housewives, your representatives in Washington are making power grabs incredibly hostile to your liberty that would spark massive riots if done in other countries. When Lost comes on, the McRib returns to McDonald's, Avatar is re-released in theaters, American Eagle has a sale, Randy Moss switches to a different football team, Kesha releases a new single, how could one possibly find the time to give a fuck about the future consequences of our present choices? As you start to notice your chicken McNuggets dwindling without ever removing your eyes from some tube emitting cathode rays, a malnourished child in Thailand is hemming larger pants for you that you'll temporarily be able to stuff yourself into before moving up another size or two.
Most of me wants to be long gone before the full effects of the current wasteful culture reak their inevitable havoc on us all. However, the smaller part of me that wants to witness this chaos is dying for it to happen soon so I can scream "I told you so" at every blank and worthless human I have the misfortune of being exposed to. Thank you for being fucking pitiful excuses for life guaranteeing the moribund nature of our existence.
So, just which Intolerable Scum might I be referring to? If you've ever willingly watched an episode of the television program Jersey Shore, you're fucking guilty. If you've ever shopped Forever 21, casted a vote for a contestant on American Idol, or identified with a corporate slogan (Dodge's recent insistence on still seriously pairing the words "America" and "freedom" in the same sentence is frightening http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezk0e1VL80o), you're marked. Since your birth, you've never been more than a dollar sign, and your utter failure to ever realize this is allowing, nay, fueling the complete breakdown of society and the ultimate devastation of our people and planet. It's no wonder corporations are legally considered to be individuals because they've gotten you to blissfully wrap your lips around their dicks and let them pump you full of their insipid waste, one hand holding your head in place and the other making sure your wallet remains empty.
There are some things you vile lot ought to consider. While your intellect takes a back seat to the latest drama going down on Real Housewives, your representatives in Washington are making power grabs incredibly hostile to your liberty that would spark massive riots if done in other countries. When Lost comes on, the McRib returns to McDonald's, Avatar is re-released in theaters, American Eagle has a sale, Randy Moss switches to a different football team, Kesha releases a new single, how could one possibly find the time to give a fuck about the future consequences of our present choices? As you start to notice your chicken McNuggets dwindling without ever removing your eyes from some tube emitting cathode rays, a malnourished child in Thailand is hemming larger pants for you that you'll temporarily be able to stuff yourself into before moving up another size or two.
Most of me wants to be long gone before the full effects of the current wasteful culture reak their inevitable havoc on us all. However, the smaller part of me that wants to witness this chaos is dying for it to happen soon so I can scream "I told you so" at every blank and worthless human I have the misfortune of being exposed to. Thank you for being fucking pitiful excuses for life guaranteeing the moribund nature of our existence.
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